The Worst Thing to Do to Your Enemy
How do you handle your enemies? You may be creating your own problem.
At some time or another, all of us have had to tell with Hater Nation. That is a person or group of people who seem to not like you for no apparent reason. You haven't said or done anything to them. You just showed up and they decided they had it in for you. You hear whispers behind your back. If they are bold enough, they may whisper nice nasties under their breath right in front of you.
I have been there. I wish that I could tell you that I handled it perfectly every time. The truth is I have stumbled my way through over the years. I have called them out in anger. I have shot sarcastic and biting remarks their way. I have ignored it. And I have gotten really vindictive and started my own smear campaign (not something that I am proud about).
Over the years, I have collected data and observations on how other people respond to these kinds of situations as well. I have seen disastrous outcomes and good ones.
I found that the absolute WORST thing you can do with your haters is let them know that they are winning.
Here is a pick list of some of the BEST strategies for dealing with your enemies.
Refuse to get emotional about it. This is the most difficult strategy to execute. Haters are really good at pushing your emotional buttons. And in most cases, they are looking for some kind of response from you. When you let your emotions take over, you will say and do things that will make the situation worse. You will become more enmeshed in the battle. When you take the emotion away from it, you create distance between you and your hater. Coming across as cool, confident, poised, and confident will throw them off guard. And when you throw them off guard, you now have the upper hand.
Here are some strategies for dealing with biting and sarcastic remarks.
Stare at them and smile. And I mean really smile. A big, genuine, friendly smile. That is something that they didn't expect. Some people may disagree with me on this one. "I don't want them to think that they are getting over on me." Well, when you take a defensive posture with your hater, you begin creating a situation that makes you MORE involved in what they are doing rather than LESS involved. And your smile conveys confidence that they are not having an effect on you. They fully expect you to become emotional and angry. So when you refuse to become emotional and hit them with some positivity, it neutralizes the effect of what they were trying so hard to do. And that is make YOU look bad. Wear that smile with confidence and let them know that their words and actions are insignificant.
Check out this quick way to end an argument.
Ask them a random question. I have found that this technique is highly effective because it totally confuses your hater. If they are persistent, hit them with a string of random questions. The sillier the question, the better. Your hater depends on you sticking to a script. They attack you. You attack them back. And so on and so forth. When you intentionally introduce confusion into the conversation, they become really confused about how to approach you. And that will make them move on to an easier target. "What did you have for lunch yesterday?" "How is your dog?" "Have you ever been to Tahiti?" Of course, be willing to accept that they will walk away saying "She is crazy." To which I respond with what my mother taught me, "Yes, I am crazy. Crazy like a fox." You just won.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, be careful. Check out these strategies for disarming a narcissist.
Be yourself and do something awesome. Don't let your haters distract you and stop you from being your awesome self. It is easy to get tied up and tangled up in what your haters are saying about you and doing behind your back. Rather than focusing on that, find something to do and go do it. Buy some candy and randomly give it away. Go find somebody to encourage. Write a note of appreciation to someone who has helped you. Go volunteer at a local non-profit and meet some new people. When you expand your own circle of influence, it neutralizes the power of your hater. Your new friends and acquaintances will help defend you.
Check out these 4 ways to turn your enemies into friends.
What have you tried that worked? What have you tried that created more disaster and drama?
Remember that the only way to win with a hater is to avoid becoming one yourself.