Unable to Say No
Has being unable to say "No" created problems or drama in your life? It has for me.
In the past, I had a hard time saying "No" to others. I thought that being helpful would help me belong and be appreciated. That could not be further from the truth.
When we say "Yes" when we really want to say "No," we are not being authentic. We are being deceptive to ourselves and to others. Living a life of subtle deception is one of the quickest ways to misery that I know.
Do you find yourself resentful after going out on a limb to help somebody? At the root of that feeling of "yuck" is probably a deep-seated reason why you did not want to do whatever it was in the first place.
There is a BIG difference between doing something for someone because you want to and doing something for someone because of what you think they will give you - attention, appreciation, love, a pat on the back.
When we "give to get" we enslave ourselves to the desires of the people whose attention, love, and appreciation we want. And when we don't get what we think we "deserve," we become bitter, resentful, and hateful.
You CANNOT live inside of bitterness, resentment, and hate without causing damage to your heart, soul, and spirit. If you are not careful, you become closed to receiving the love, appreciation, and attention that you crave. And after a while, you stop wanting it at all. This leaves you in a very miserable place.
Admitting the truth to others, and to ourselves, is littered with difficulty. We don't want to disappoint people. We don't want to disappoint ourselves.
The solution is simple.
Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.
Matthew 5:37, Holy Bible
Saying "No" and standing in that "No" is a mark of maturity.
Worrying about hurting other people's feelings or experiencing rejection keeps you stuck in a pattern of saying things that you do not mean. And that is NOT authentic.
The key lies in understanding your core values. This is an internal set of standards - a code of conduct - that convict you to live and choose certain ways of being. When you understand your core values, you are better able to align what you want with who you are.
Getting clear on your own core values is not as easy as you would think. You must challenge what you believe and come to a firm conclusion - a conviction.
a firmly held belief or opinion.
When you understand what you stand for, you can stand in it.
I want to challenge you today to get clear on what you believe. Get clear on why you believe it. Seek to know and understand your "why."
And when you get there, you will find that saying "No" comes easy. Because your "No" is NOT just something that you say. It flow out of who you are.
I am cheering for you!